Corporate Terminology

• COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
• JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
• CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay you enough to expect that you'll dress nicely.
• MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
• MUST BE FLEXIBLE: On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
• SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
• DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
• CAREER-MINDED: Female employees must be childless (and remain that way).
• APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
• NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
• SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.
• PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS a MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
• REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
• GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.